Like a White Trash Gypsy

Showbiz parents as a rule tend to freak me out. It is one thing to like to watch your kids perform and maybe put them in the occasional talent competition; it's another thing entirely to quit your job and dedicate your life to their commercial success. The parents themselves are always really scary:

From Joe Simpson who watches Jessica's interviews and butts-in whenever he dislikes the questioning (cut the fuckin' cord dude), to Matthew Knowles who made Destiny's child practice their childhood away. In one of those VH1 shows Beyonce is talking about how they wanted to go swimming once against his wishes or something and as a result they got sick and Matthew went apeshit and made them practice harder and longer for weeks. I know it was supposed to show that he made them driven for success but it just made him seem kinda barbaric: I don't care about your fever--GET THE STEPS RIGHT!!!

The person I feel bad for is poor Lynne Spears. She invested everything she has in her daughter and now Britney's gotten too big to be kept under control. Every time I see Britney's white trash marrying, barefoot washroom going, faux-lezzie kissing, crap restaurant buying, vegas chapel using, chicken wings at her wedding serving ass I think, why the fuck doesn't Lynne step up and give her daughter the beat-down she deserves. But how can she? Britney is her living nest egg.

Unless you want to go the way of Aaron Carter's mom or Angelina Jolie's dad than you just have to shut up and stay on their good side 'til the cheque clears, her career disappears and you can write the tell-all biography. Until that happens you will happily go to your daughter's misguided wedding escorted by some guy in a track suit labeled "PIMPS". You will remark that hamburgers at the reception is such a wonderfully unique idea and when your guests have to pay for their own drinks at your multi-millionaire daughter's wedding you'll smile and try to laugh it off. Then as her marriage predictably falls apart (as is apparently happening now) you will console her, comforted in the knowledge this will make a killer end to chapter 9.