Oh Me Oh My

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Lethal Combination

On Thursday I took my friend Alan out for dinner for his birthday and decided to order the enchiladas. My history with Mexican food is not good. My friend Earl and I used to frequent "El Sombrero" relatively regularly. It was always tasty and the portions were huge but afterwards we each went our separate ways home. We knew better than to stray too far from a familiar facility that could *ahem* accommodate the aftermath. As a result we just didn't eat much Mexican anymore.

They say women forget the actual level of pain they experience during childbirth which enables them to want to give birth again, and I would say the same applies to me and Mexican food, but even more so, to me and uncooked baked goods. From the the tragic Pillsbury Cookie Dough incident of 2002 to the infamous Guelph "Brownie Batter Blizzard" debacle, I just don't learn my lesson. My body does not process these things well and the combination of stomach cramps and overwhelming desire to poo that lasts for hours is unpleasant to say the least. This Thursday I was introduced to Ben & Jerry's "Half-Baked" Ice Cream which has both cookie dough chunks and brownie pieces...and this was after having the enchiladas. Needless to say when all 3 of my food intolerances get together it's the frickin' chernobyl of the my gastrointestinal system.

I think Thursday's experience is best described as a comparative visual: Picture a long sturdy bridge stretching over a river. That bridge from one point to the other represents the journey of food through your system and the water is the chemicals involved in digestion. The cheese on the enchiladas turns the sturdy bridge into a rope bridge. The cookie dough makes that bridge swing and shake and slowly come undone at the edges and the enchiladas themselves turn that flowing river into raging rapids....of lava. Let's just say on Thursday the rope bridge did not hold and I was plunged into the river and each time I thought I could swim to shore I fell a little deeper and ohhhh... the burning.

So please, if you see me eating any of the aforementioned in the future, especially in combination, I am granting you permission to slap me or at the very least drive me to a Shopper's and mix me up a pepto smoothie because the call to go south of the border is my siren song and I am weak...so so weak.


At 5:05 p.m., Blogger Joanna said...

The next time someone asks me what happens when I eat peanuts, to which I am allergic, I think I will just refer them to your blog rather than demurely say "oh, I get an upset tummy."

At 8:56 p.m., Blogger David said...

You ever hear of Lactaid? Highly recommended... unless of course you are still vying for a career as a toilet jockey ;-P


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