Urethra! I Got It

My friend Darek here has had some shitty luck with one of his kidneys and as a result they needed to investigate. The only way to do this was to stick a rod in his urethra and do some digging. Now I know what you're thinking, "He must have been drugged up real good" and he was, but the drugs were also administered through his urethra...in needle form. Darek has now officially given us a way of shutting down anyone who is whining about anything (including myself):

"Man I have so many exams to study for, like 3 essays to complete and a lab report due tomorrow"
"That sounds brutal, but you know what sounds more brutal? Having a metal rod stuck up your pee hole"

"This headache is killing me"
"Ouch, is it anything like having your wang shanked?"

"I really cut up my knee when I fell back there, that's a lot of blood"
"Like I always say, better on the knee than in your pee"

The worst part is that they still need to remove something they placed in there...and it has to come out the same way; any dude who is reading this feels your pain Darek. If you would like to help Darek through this trying time please send some money to Jamie's I-POD fund:

International
Penile-Pity
Organization
for
Darek

Cheques can be made out to me. Cash and Future Shop/Apple Store certificates are also acceptable. Together we can make a difference in one person's life... who is sick of his crappy CD player that won't stop skipping that he just bought like 3 months ago...stupid Panasonic.