Oh Me Oh My

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Hypothesis Proven!

I have composed and performed a very scientific study analysing the profound and biologically inherent differences between men and women and have had my theory substantiated:

Women are Totally Rude-Ass

For the past 6 weeks or so I have been keeping a tally of every time a door is held open for me vs. every time a door should have been held open for me and the results ladies and gentleman are staggering:

Number of Times a man should have held the door for me:
Number of Times said man actually did:
Ergo Men held the door
82% of the time

Number of Times a woman should have held the door for me:
Number of Times said woman actually did:
Ergo Women held the door
69% of the time

I am not one to assign gender assumptions on anyone but what's the deal ladies? Not only are you less likely to hold a door open but according to this air-tight research you are also the most likely to snake through a door as it's closing even if you notice someone behind you. You are less likely to hold elevator doors open, more likely to take an elevator for a single flight of stairs and this one was a shocker; slightly less likely to say Thank You. I've always considered you the superior gender ladies so lets get crackin' on some courtesy. No one is asking for a curtsy as you avert your eyes as someone passes through your opened door, but a simple bump and even a forced half-smile is all I ask.

(all statistics compliled are the anger-ridden findings of Jamie, often on a morning he is late, often holding his bag, a McMuffin, a stack of files and his contempt for life in general.)


At 2:37 p.m., Blogger adge said...

I can’t believe your research. Your post sent me into such hysterics that I just HAD to create an account because I want to point out how ludicrous your research findings are.
Bear with me here, I don’t have good debating skills nor do I have good English or writing skills, so my rebuttal to your research finding may not come out clearly.

“You are less likely to hold elevator doors open, more likely to take an elevator for a single flight of stairs and this one was a shocker; slightly less likely to say Thank You.”

Now give me a break! This statement blows me away b/c as I see it, gender has nothing to do whether courtesy is used or not. I believe a person’s demeanour, personality, and manners have more to do with your above statements than somebody’s gender. As a female, I throughly object to your statements b/c I know that 85%-95% of the time I hold the door/elevator open and say thank you when it is deserved….and unfortuately sometimes when it’s not…(my flaw, I get walked upon quite easily). C’mon, these practices are just common decency and courtesy, which I don’t believe a penis or vagina have anything to do with. I realize that you are trying to say that girls are suppose to be the polite, mannerely ones of the two genders, however, I think that has fully gone out the window in this day and age, and instead I think someone’s upbringing has more to do with what you observe today.
As for using the elevator for only one floor…I think plain laziness is the primary factor in this observation, NOT courtesy. I think that these people may just be to lazy to get their asses up 13 steps, so instead take the elevator and slow everyone down by stopping one floor up. Yes, this is quite rude and selfish of these individuals, however, I believe it is the RESULT of their laziness. So call it like what you like, maybe women are just more lazy….however that is also another statement/generalization that as a kinesiology grad would be offended by. (I was brainwashed in 2nd year into not taking the elevator when there are stairs nearby…it’s shunned upon in the kin world…especially if it’s only ONE floor…C’MON PEOPLE USE THE SCREW RULE).

Bah, I have other things that I believe are flawed with your study, from both a statistically point of view as well as from a somewhat rational POV, however, I suck at trying to spit semi- cohesive thoughts onto paper, so I’ll stop my rambling.

Alright, that's all I've got. I don't think you'll ever hear me take a side again and TRY to defend it, so consider yourself somewhat blessed Jamie as this is a once in a blue moon event. *back to sitting on the fence*

Sorry this post was so long! ~Adge

At 2:47 p.m., Blogger Seanatron said...

Jamie, I think this research is less remarkable for having proven once and for all that females are truly a plague upon the earth. It is more remarkable because the results included the hilarious number...69.


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