Online Dating Decoded

For all the ladies and gay dudes out there the following key words or phrases have been translated to help you better understand the guy on the other end of the screen:


I don't bite (unless you want me to; not hard anyway, unless you're into that) = Horrendously uncreative, probably just as dull in bed

I like going out but also staying in, I can be fun but also serious = There are countless examples of this. "I like stuff, do you like stuff". Why bother? SAY SOMETHING!

Looks don't matter = Although very noble it makes you wonder. If looks really don't matter just don't mention them. If someone's casting a net out for the uggies they probably have some self-esteem problems

Discreet = Married

Looking for LTR, but... = If someone is looking for a long term relationship but doesn't mind "some fun" in the meantime, they're not really looking.

Not Into Head Games = Oh, well I was a complete douchebag who was gonna totally mess with your head but thanks for the warning that that is not what you're into. Usually a sign of emotional baggage from previous douchebags

5 foot 10 = 5 foot 8

160 Pounds = 180 Pounds

Smoking & Drinking = Upgrade every answer given: socaially means ocassionally, ocassionally means regularly, regularly means at any free moment and anything more than that means you are chatting with Joe Camel or Captain Morgan

Picture = This is them at their best or after graduating Cum Laude with the class of '91. Be prepared that when meeting them in person they will not be in black and white or seen through a vaseline covered lens.

Happy Dating :)