The Bloody Ties That Bind

Only in the world of pirated movies can Dawn of the Dead be a “feel-good romp” while Siskel & Ebert give movies “An Enthusiastic 2 Thumbs Up!” 6 years after Gene Siskel passed away. Part of the joy of pirated movies is the fuck-ups you get on the cover art. From the description of King Kong being in what I believe is Lithuanian to the barcode on the back actually scanned cut and pasted from a chocolate bar, the attempt to make the covers look real is almost always comically screwed up.

This was at its most hilarious last night during the gayest evening in the history of time that didn’t actually involve anything directly gay. A friend and I got together to watch America’s Next Top Model (both glorious hours). We then bought 2 pints of Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream at Rabba ($3.99 is unheard of, so we had to get two) and ate them while watching the Girliest of chick flicks imaginable, “In Her Shoes”. Yes, there’s nothing like 2 dudes watching a touching film about sisterly love.

Ladies if you ever want to trick your boyfriends into sitting though this with you be sure to borrow my copy. On the cover is a large “Mature Audience Warning” label. We thought this was weird that one or two mild expletives and vague sex conversation would warrant a mature audience label. This was until we looked at the explanation beside the giant “M”: “Adult Themes and Frequent Battle Violence”. We just about shit our pants trying to picture Cameron Diaz leading a platoon or Toni Collette assembling an assault rifle. I kept picturing a voice over an image of Shirley Maclaine looking forlorn out a rainy window while cutting some dude’s hand off, “Two sisters learn that some ties are not so easily severed”.