Oh Me Oh My

Thursday, March 09, 2006

The Bloody Ties That Bind

Only in the world of pirated movies can Dawn of the Dead be a “feel-good romp” while Siskel & Ebert give movies “An Enthusiastic 2 Thumbs Up!” 6 years after Gene Siskel passed away. Part of the joy of pirated movies is the fuck-ups you get on the cover art. From the description of King Kong being in what I believe is Lithuanian to the barcode on the back actually scanned cut and pasted from a chocolate bar, the attempt to make the covers look real is almost always comically screwed up.

This was at its most hilarious last night during the gayest evening in the history of time that didn’t actually involve anything directly gay. A friend and I got together to watch America’s Next Top Model (both glorious hours). We then bought 2 pints of Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream at Rabba ($3.99 is unheard of, so we had to get two) and ate them while watching the Girliest of chick flicks imaginable, “In Her Shoes”. Yes, there’s nothing like 2 dudes watching a touching film about sisterly love.

Ladies if you ever want to trick your boyfriends into sitting though this with you be sure to borrow my copy. On the cover is a large “Mature Audience Warning” label. We thought this was weird that one or two mild expletives and vague sex conversation would warrant a mature audience label. This was until we looked at the explanation beside the giant “M”: “Adult Themes and Frequent Battle Violence”. We just about shit our pants trying to picture Cameron Diaz leading a platoon or Toni Collette assembling an assault rifle. I kept picturing a voice over an image of Shirley Maclaine looking forlorn out a rainy window while cutting some dude’s hand off, “Two sisters learn that some ties are not so easily severed”.

3 Comments:

At 11:15 PM, Blogger -loo-bot- said...

That's not a bad fuck-up compared to some of the bootlegs I've bought from Pacific Mall. There are at least three of my Jackie Chan dvds with the cast listing of "The Kid" with Bruce Willis, while Ebert and Roeper gave my copy of "Ocean's Twelve" a "TOW THUMBS UP!".
There's some that are just laughable to add to your dvd collection, like when the plot summary at the back of the package reads like it was written by some FOB who can put four consecutive verbs in a sentence. Damn it! If I only knew what the movie "Ray was all about.

 
At 9:32 AM, Blogger Earl Falco said...

WOW that’s pretty gay. That’s almost comparable to when Emil, Lou, Con, and I got together and grabbed some Chinese food. Where thereafter we searched Lakeshore for a Gelato parlour but were unsuccessful and ended up buying 3 pints of ice cream at Baskin Robbins (Mint Chocolate Chip, my choice, Jamoca Almond Fudge, shared by Con & Lou, & Mango Tango, Emil’s fav). Then we proceeded to Lou’s house in an attempt to offset the gay by watching professional sports, I personally think the small pink spoons we were using was a nice touch. But we tried to hold off till the red carpet ceremony of the Oscars but Emil’s Mango Tango wasn’t having it.

 
At 7:55 PM, Blogger Joanna said...

What if you didn't have to trick your boyfriend into seeing In Her Shoes? What if he willingly and cheerfully agreed???
OHHHHH Cameron Diaz's ass... it all makes perfect sense now.

 

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