Sorry About Your VD

Venereal Disease?
Vaginal Discharge?
Oh wait, it's February, the coldest, crappiest month of the year so that means it must be VALENTINE'S DAY!

Whether you are coupled or not you have to admit this holiday is a joke. You don't get time off work for it. It's pretty much just a gougefest for florists, chocolate makers and jewelers. The greatest part is pointing this out makes you seem bitter while hallmark rolls around in the money you spend on stuffed bears holding "I WUV U" hearts. The Simpsons satirized this brilliantly when they invented "Love Day":

"We need something between New Years and Valentine's"
"Well we had great penetration with Christmas 2"

So I declare a blanket Bah-Humbug on the day as a whole. We should all get together, spend no money and have a good time with nothing red or heart-shaped.

And for those celebrating:

Just joking!
I kid because I love,
and isn't that the true meaning of Valentine's?
Loving ourselves and eachother.
We'll be right back.