Oh Me Oh My

Friday, September 08, 2006

The Secret Lives of Mannequins

In the vast majority of fashion shows the models are expressionless. They are a living canvas for the clothes and too much going on with the face can distract from what the designer wants you to focus on. This is normally true of mannequins as well; most have a distant blank stare, if they have faces or heads at all, but yesterday while walking through the mall my friend Sean pointed out this one:

There is a definite expression in her face—it sort of says “I can’t believe YOU were invited”. I’m kind of unclear on the motivation for a bitchy looking mannequin. Where does one even place her? I was thinking she would be prefect outside of the dressing rooms—each person emerging, looking for validation and meeting only her chilly disapproving gaze: “Culottes….isn’t that an interesting choice”.

This began my search for other expressive mannequins (which was not an easy task as snapping phone pics of 6 foot tall plastic ladies doesn’t speak well for your mental stability. Then we stumbled across her:

I have dubbed her Lindsay (not sure why) and I was intrigued by the fact that she looked like she was going to start crying. Once again the motivation for a forlorn looking model escapes me but I couldn’t help wonder what was making her so sad. Did the previous mannequin dis her zebra-stripe ascot? Was she just hot in that coat? Then it became clear. She was stood up. Lindsay has been waiting for that guy for weeks now, and it has only just dawned on her that he is not coming.
Internal dialogue:
“Keep it together Linz
Do not cry….do NOT cry”.

In contrast to Lindsay is Regan:

It is fitting that the picture turned out so blurry and bright because in my eyes Regan is tanked out of her mind. Unable to find the friends she came with she has accepted an invite to “party” with the boys from the Parasuco window. Unbeknownst to her one of those cads has slipped a roofie in her vodka-cran. Luckily she makes her escape as they do not have legs with which to give chase. You made it out this time Regan…be vigilant in the future!

And finally there’s Rob.erta, Roberta…ROBERTA! She’s a recent post-op transsexual and this is her first major social event since her surgery:

Unable to enjoy herself, Roberta is wracked with paranoia that people won’t adjust to the new her:
“A vest! Roberta, what were you thinking!? You want people to embrace the new you and you show up dressed like you’re ready for your first day at an all-boys boarding school!
“Keep it cool Robby
Do not cry….do NOT cry”.


At 12:11 p.m., Blogger Darek/Darciu/Dariusz said...

Hilarious! I liked the names more than the mannequins themselves. Robert/a, Regan, Lindsay.

And double you tee eff, why wasn't I invited out to some mindless mall walking.

Oh right...square one is a 2 kidney mall.

At 2:20 p.m., Blogger Earl Falco said...

wow you guys must have been bored or something but thats friggin hilarious those mannequins look friggin scary i never notice their faces but now i will look more often. those stories are quite elaborate very deep, saddening really. i feel like getting them a get well soon moo moo :|...pssst i don't know what those are.

At 7:19 p.m., Anonymous Teresa said...

hahaha! i enjoyed that. you should make a scrapbook of mannequins. that might be creepy though.. and one day they'll escort you out of the mall for being weird and scaring the other customers.
i've seen a lot of male mannequins that looked pissed.. it's the angry eyebrows.

At 2:00 p.m., Blogger The Frog said...

you rock :o)


At 11:45 p.m., Blogger adge said...

Too friggin funny Jamie! Gotta love Regan and Rob.erta.

At 10:38 p.m., Anonymous Melvin said...

My god. Have you never seen "mannequin"? This is a movie about a mannequin that comes to life. And i believe it stars Kim Catrall and the black guy for Designing Women. And... to a lesser extetn, I saw Mannequin 2 in theatres. Anyways. Great blog, blog man


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