Not Just For Flipping The Bird

Other fingers all have respectable reputations: the index finger is the primary function finger, the ring finger is sort of like a figurehead waiting to be crowned. The pinky is small and cute and the thumb most notably seperates us from the rest of the animal kingdom, but the middle finger is known for one thing alone.

It is not until I developed a paronychia (finger infection) on my left middle finger that I realized how often we use this finger in our day to day lives. this is mainly due to the fact that using it sends a strong shockwave of pain which reminds me that it is far more useful than I ever would have assumed. Using my turn signal for instance has always involved my left middle finger. Wringing out a cloth, tying my shoe, or even the simple act of shampooing my head, all excruciating reminders that the vulgar finger on the less useful hand ain't so useless afterall.

In about an hour I'm likely having the infection lanced. It'll hurt like a bitch but the pus-squeezed remnants will serve as a constant reminder to never take it for granted again. So thank your left middle finger, give it some lotion, swear at a stranger with it, but DO NOT bite its nail off, as a paronychia hurts like a mother fucker.

The more you know folks.